They say, “writing is the painting of the voice” and I agree. However, writing has never been easy for me as using my voice. You see traveling at a young age and changing schools really impacted my style of writing. Every teacher I have had expected something different from me, they only cared about what they wanted to see such as using advanced words and writing about a topic that only interested them. Due to that I could not explore my own writing. When I lived in Egypt, we would learn British English so there were certain vocabulary and grammar that differed from American English. My greatest struggle that I faced with writing was when I returned back to finish my education America.
Being used to my Egyptian writing style was not very helpful to me. This was because it was simply not good enough or more specifically it is not what my American teachers wanted to see. My grades were dropping, and it made me feel like a failure at one point. It mentally stressed me because I did not know what to do. My teachers were not helpful despite the fact that I told them I needed help. All they cared about was getting the assignment and grading it. They never gave me tips on how to improve, organize, or style my writing. I was used to speaking and writing in the British English style that I learned in Egypt so even my vocabulary and spelling differed. For example, Americans write the word “color” as it is while the British add a “u” and write it as “colour.” Simple things like such would make my grade drop tremendously. Luckily for me I was good at reading and participating in class which was the only thing that saved me from failing. This continued to go throughout my 6th grade however, as each year passed, I started to figure out what teachers like and dislike. By 7th and 8th grade my writing was improving which I was proud of but, my journey did not end there.
Once I entered high school, I faced an incredibly different writing style then the one I was just getting used to in middle school. I would get amazing grades in my classes, but my grades would only decrease when I would hand in a writing assignment. Due to this I started hated writing. I did not want anything to do with writing short responses, essays, or research papers. I thought to myself, “you’re wasting your time, they aren’t going to like it anyway” or “it’s never going to be good enough” and resulted in the fact that I truly started to feel that I was not a good enough writer. The only teacher that ever gave me hope was my junior year English teacher, Ms. Amtizs, she was the first ever teacher to help me improve and give me writing advice. One day while she was helping me, I told her, “I hate writing” and she responded to me while looking at my paper saying, “You shouldn’t you’re really good.” This was when my relationship with writing started to change. For some people it might have been just a regular comment, or the teacher was just trying to make them feel good but for me it was different. It was the first time that I did not feel that my writing was judged and that it could actually be good enough. In fact, I wanted to prove her that I could do even better. Her class was the first ever English class that I passed with a 100 on my report card.
After that I started writing on my own time about things that did not involve school. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it! It did not matter if it was good or bad, advanced or not, simple or complex all that mattered was that I was enjoying myself. I know am not the greatest writer and I still have many things to improve on especially when it has to do with school/college writing. All I can wish for is that with the classes I am taking now that I can improve as a writer. It does not matter if these improvements have to do with organization, vocabulary, or grammar as long as it helps me in the long run. I do not want to start hating writing again just because of a grade. I want to be able to express myself while writing to finally be able to say that my writing is the painting of my voice.
